We The 99% Won't Stand For Our Sour Cream & Onion Chip Options To Be Taken From Us. Let Us Decide What Ruffles Brands We Eat.
I stood by as I watched citizens crowd the streets of New York. I bit my tongue as citizens in Atlanta made total asses out of themselves. However, I am now choosing to represent you!
Fellow Americans, something quite flavorful has been taken right from under our blue collar noses. It would appear the fat cats in ... Dallas, Texas -- have deemed it fit to rip the underappreciated Sour Cream & Onion flavored Ruffles from our bodega store shelves.
I work a job where I engage in back-breaking labor and put food on the table for a family that doesn't exist yet. The one thing I expect, besides being urine-puddle splashed, by a passing taxi on the way home -- is the salty, sour cream delight of a once beloved potato chip. What do I get? Sour Cream & Cheddar? Loaded Chili Cheese chips?
What is this, Africa?
We the 99% do not support sub-standard sour cream chips. Sans onions? Find yourself a pillow of thumb tacks, and promptly fall face first into it.
We as Americans work too hard and avoid too many parking tickets to stand for this kind of corporate nonsense. I found myself voicing my concerns to a fellow friend via Twitter. He too is at a loss for what atrocities have been commited to the working man's potato chip.
I decided to go straight to the heart of the belly of the beast [it has several organs]. That's right, I tweeted @FritoLay. Only to be met with treachery and a fairly resonable response. Taking my Twitter beef [Tweef] off social networks. I decided to search for the "Joe Six-Pack" chip and where it could be sold within my zipcode. You know what I found? The beginning of a revolution...
I mean, that pretty much says it.
That's right. Ruffles Sour Cream & Onion Chips aren't being sold within 50-miles of Columbus, Ohio. A city plagued by obesity and Chris Hansen documentaries, can't have this one bit of satisfaction? Why must middle-America suffer so that corporations like FritoLay NOT sell us a sour cream and onion potato chip?
My, no, our demands? As a representative of the 99% that clearly enjoys the working man's chip. We demand the natural and artificially flavored snack to be placed back in all the Walmarts, all the gas stations, and all the corner stores in the state of Ohio. If these demands aren't met within the next month or whenever you guys ship out your next batch of awful, Loaded Chili Chips of poop, we will berate you with negative reviews for all the other chips you make. Even the ones we like, just because we can.
Show your solidarity by sending your demands to the twitter account of FritoLay. You can also file a formal complaint, though I'm still waiting for a response, directly at their site. If you tweet them or e-mail them, be sure to tell them I sent you. And don't forget the inane hashtag #OccupyFritoLay.
We are the 99 percent. We work hard so that our potato chips remain delicious and rife with ridged sour cream and onion flavors*.
*Just that this is clear. I mean this in all seriousness. This is, in no way an adverstisment for FritoLay. Hell, I linked to Chris Hansen's To Catch A Predator series. I don't think a corporation would be to happy having their chip affiliated with pedophilia.