50 Cent: Blood On The Sand, "Polished Ignorance"

Publisher: THQ

Developer: Swordfish Studios

Genre(s): Third-Person Shooter

Players: 2

ESRB Rating: M (Mature)

Release Date: February 24, 2009  

I believe it was William Butler Yeats who said, "An intellectual hatred is the worst." I know what you are thinking, who starts off a video game review; let alone a video game starring a seemingly buffoonish rap celebrity with a Yeats quote. Had you been one of the 210,000 people who shelled out their hard earned money, then you would have gained quality knowledge about the mythical 50 Cent. Example: Did you know 50 Cent's, sorry, "Fiddy's" natural environmental enemies are the dreaded helicopter with man holding an RPG? Though 50 Cent: Blood On The Sand is completely vapid and as superficial as a game comes. Its ability to be "so bad its good" plot accompanied by a carbon copy Gears Of War-style makes this game worth a rent.

 

50 Cent: Blood On The Sand, is both a single player and a multi-player poetic experience. The player plays as 50 Cent, you are forced to, unless you are playing in Co-op Mode which you have your choice of such foul-mouthed rap stars such as: Tony Yayo, Lloyd Banks and DJ Whoo Kid. The online Co-op Mode leaves something to be desired, unfortunately Blood On The Sand was structured as a two-player experience even if 50's entourage is a 4-man group. After the lackluster sales and critical bashing 50 Cent: Bulletproof received, it was actually pretty cool to see the rapper take a more serious "hands-on approach" to this reboot of his own series. The results are a clear improvement, but as opposed to having a dead fish on our hands we have rotten sushi. The story, although absolutely derivative and nonsensical, provide unintentional laughs for your average teenager and game reviewer.

 

  

Fiddy has just finished a show in what appears to be "insert-down-trodden-Middle Eastern-city-here" and the promoter can only afford to pay him in Indiana Jones currency. A crystal skull cools the rapper's trigger happy temper. Although Fiddy is known to be surrounded by bodyguards it was quite easy for bandits and a computer generated version of "the Russian woman from Die Hard 2" to steal Curtis 50 Cent Jackson's jewel encrusted skull. 

 

By the way, although Fiddy is content with being paid with this ridiculous relic, its my understanding that an entourage like G-Unit wouldn't take kindly to being paid with skull shavings. Let's face it, the story is absolutely abysmal. The point where the player comes to terms with this isn't when a diamond encrusted skull makes its first appearance. When 50 Cent and friends finish dispatching a number of miscellaneous looking Middle-Eastern foes after being robbed, a man who I believe is voiced by Lance Reddick [who you may remember as Lt. Daniels from The Wire] recruits 50 Cent and his entourage. A rapper turned celebrity, turned artifact hunter and seeker of payments, turned mercenary soldier. While its true, Blood On The Sand requires a light nature and willingness to bend to unbelievable leaps of logic, you have to laugh at this [I use the term loosely] story.

 

 

 

The mechanics of the game are tuned tight, but at times you will be seeking your payment through alleys and store fronts and [if in Single Player mode] your comrade will glitch and blend into the environment while they were seeking cover. Then you are forced to shoot "Gangsta Style" [which is an actual mode, in which you press a button and the world slows down for you to truly get your thug on] sans hype-man saying catchy quips [such as: "You did it Fiddy! You Killed Them Pussies! Yeah!" - DJ Whoo Kid]. Note: I have played this game within the past week and the game has been out since February. Something tells me there may not be a patch coming to the masses to correct these little mistakes. As someone who has experienced the worst that Blood On The Sand had to offer, the glitches are minute. The games biggest problem is that its very much a 50 Cent game. You will know, love and learn every hit Fiddy and G-Unit has made within the past couple years. Why? Turns out you can edit the play list to play a couple songs, one song, but never NO songs. There will always be music playing in this game. So if you can only stomach two minutes of a 50 Cent song in, say once a year, like myself, then you may want to turn the volume down.

 

The strengths of Blood On The Sand rely on what several other third-person shooters have done before and a few have excelled where this game falls short [at least its not Haze]. There is no denying how much of a bland copy of Gears Of War the game is, but the stories and plot devices are equatable. Though Gears is clearly the superior in terms of polish and overall presentation, what the characters say in Blood On The Sand makes this game slightly more entertaining. The unlockable weapons and combat moves [which are some of the weakest quick-time events captured in a third-person shooter] are pretty standard, but the unlockable taunts are my favorite feature. The more expensive the taunt the more profane and lude the reference. I'm not kidding, the taunts actually have statistics which are labeled: "Profanity, Braggadocios, and..." who cares just press the button. Isn't that what a game like this is about? You can unlock music videos and there is even a cheat section. This game encourages you to cheat. It is almost as if the designers are laughing with you...unless you bought it, then they are laughing at you.

 

You can also collect posters and jewels, because what rappers life is complete without either. An oddly addicting side quest is shooting all the hidden targets sprinkled through out this 5 hour adventure. It will make you want to punch your PS3 and ask, "Why weren't there trophy's for this game!" 

 

In all seriousness, I recommend this game to people with a sense of humor and a free weekend rental with Gamefly or Blockbuster. I am concerned with with the 'average' consumers who buy this game. The game is terrifically misogynistic and based on its setting, clearly "just another shooter showing how cool it is to shoot 'brown people'". Leave it up to me to be a buzz killer, huh? As a hiphop fan, I know there is nothing marketable about making a game centered around a rapper selling crack in order to provide for his family and eventually getting a record deal in order to leave that life behind [paging Rockstar Games...are you listening?]. But if the gaming public are use to getting games like 50 Cent: Bulletproof then games like Blood On The Sand can be reluctantly accepted. And that my friend, is sad.

 

 

"I know that I shall meet my fate somewhere among the clouds above; those that I fight I do not hate, those that I guard I do not love. " - Tony Yayo Yeats