Resident Evil Afterlife: Review -- "Fans Of The Genre..."

 Even Milla's beautiful skin and limitless ammo could not save us from such a debacle of a film.

Striking cinematography, broad characters, Matrix-esque fight scenes supplied by a soundtrack weirder than a giant man carrying an ax-mallet, this is what the Resident Evil film franchise has been reduced to. I struggled with this review. Usually watching a movie I know in my heart and colon to be, at best, a junk food movie and at worst, cataract inducing -- its pretty cut and dry. The new Resident Evil movie hurts more than it helps videogame-to-movie adaptation gain some form of credulity. I avoid certain phrases in a lot in my game reviews and one of the contributing factors as to why scribbling these words [via keyboard] was more vexing was because I wanted to avoid the term, “Fans of the genre.”

Using such a nasty term implies that you know what’s best for a group of people. Further insulting, is that you assume their taste is of some bar lower than the rest of the mouth breathing populous that indulges in cinema that doesn’t involve a zombie dog splitting into a malformed teeth-filled science project. “Fans of the genre” will love Resident Evil, because ... see? Its just that easy, and subsequently -- that lazy. Here’s the part where I confess that I kinda liked the movie. So yeah, I kinda liked this disjointed mass of a failed screen vomit. There is something about Milla Jovovich playing Alice that is so darn cool. It really is unfortunate that her supporting cast, writing staff, director and maybe even those best boys and key grips couldn’t elevate this movie to a level that prevents me from recommending it to a visually impaired, deaf-mute.

 
You know what, this was a cool scene. Then Ali Larter showed up and ruined it.

I am a huge fan of the Resident Evil series -- dating back to an age when I maybe shouldn’t have been allowed to legally play the games. So as a ‘fan of the genre’ I should be all about gathering up my friends and carting them off to see this magnum opus of zombie cinema in 3D IMAX. Alas, I could only muster one friend. She was gracious enough to suffer through this sub-par 3D translated botched catastrophe. I dare say, we made the movie funner than director Paul W.S. Anderson intended. Anderson’s hands have touched Alien Versus Predator and all of the Resident Evil movies, isn’t it time to put this man out to pasture?

Through the terrible one-liners and overdone slow-motion scenes [seriously guys, they rip off the Matrix ‘hallway scene’ wholesale] in Resident Evil: Afterlife tricks the viewer. A 3D sequence in which depth of field is subtle and artistically plied to the viewer is coupled with a claustrophobic battle with an inexplicably tall fiend with nails driven through his head, wielding an ax that’s bigger than my future. The scene is then killed by Ali Larter’s inability to, at least pretend, that she too is a capable actress. Fans of Ali Larter, lend me your califlowered ears, your young starlet will never be a good actress. Let this movie be further padding to an already dismal resume. Let this review be the proper warning akin to a “Shyamalan-stinch”. If you see Ali Larter walking down the street toward you, do not make eye contact, run the other way and consult a mortician.

 
The characters look and act like those from the videogame. Emotionless and one-note.

The worst thing about Resident Evil: Afterlife is that not only does it continue to shatter hope that a decent videogame-to-movie adaptation could be feasible within a zombie’s lifetime, its that the very movie is formatted like a terribly written videogame. The cast is a group of people whom are never developed or given some inner-turmoil to overcome, and worst of all, they don’t seem to care about progressing as people in the story. The only bright spot is the cinematography, which almost seems too easy considering that half of the movie was shot on a soundstage and the other half is in slow motion. The plot is established as if you where playing a Super Mario Brother’s level, in which you make it past small obstacles and enemies only to take on a boss at the end.

If you are lucky enough to see Resident Evil: Afterlife in 3D IMAX for free, then you should reevaluate what the term ‘lucky’ means. I’d love to recommend this to fans of the franchise, but I feel that true fans of any particular story or game should be discerning. True fans know when their favorite artist or art is lacking. Resident Evil: Afterlife is a movie I would suggest watching with a keen eye for particulars. Watch for Milla and the cinematography, but be sure the volume is turned low and that you are at a rave where drugs and alcohol are served.

I Give Resident Evil: Afterlife in 3D IMAX:

 
Is it sad that I own this?

The “3D Fail Of 2D” Award.

Comments

[Alphonse]

OK it's true, no matter how beautiful look Milla or Ali, the movie is a total fake, all of then has been a total fake, as a resident evil fan I denied to call this a movie saga based in the video game, I never accept this title, to me there only one movie with relation with games, and is resident evil degeneration.