The Vampire's Assistant: It's Not For Children And Some Grown-Ups

John C. Reilly can paint a fence and I would watch. There is something about this guy that carries movies which would be sub-par without his touch. Cirque Du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant manages to combine the 80's horror-campiness of a One Bitten and the sophistication of a Near Dark. A good majority of the movie is spent with bloated expository scenes, the few actual "Cirque Du Freak" moments are executed incredibly well, but not well enough for this movie to be palatable to everyone. The Vampire's Assistant is a movie for tweens and adults, who are willing to give a pass to most of the boring characters and their subsequent dramatic scenes.

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Dedicated to Nicolas Cage's [Current] Acting Career

Me and my lady have been tossing around the idea of how far the mighty Nicolas Cage has fallen. Sure Ghost Rider made a bajillion dollars and we will more than likely see Mr. Cage play with the notion of being a psychic time travaller [a la Knowing and Next fame] in future cinematic projects. In my personal and professional opinion, Nicolas Cage's magnum opus will always and forever be The Wicker Man. Watch as Cage gets stung in the eyes by bees and punch ladies in the face. Then when you think The Wicker Man has reached its zenith realize that Cage can punch ladies in the face while dressed as a bear.

I Highly recommend...

[Further clips of this god among men after the jump]

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Paranormal Activity: A Great Movie Under Certain Conditions

Paranormal Activity is a hard movie for me to review. From the onset, you will need disclaimers:

 

1. If you are a fan of horror films and like the feeling of being immersed in a story, do not go and see this movie until it has a completely rid itself its middle-to-high school attendees. Advice: Go in two weeks of the posting of this review.
2. If you are not a fan of shaky cameras or generally get motion sick, this may not be the movie for you.
3. If you love old people, go and see Paranormal Activity on a Sunday afternoon for optimal viewing.

 

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Zombieland: How Did We Get Here?

The saying "history repeats itself," is quite fitting for cinema. We are living [and enduring] a number of fads right now. A large majority we will regret telling our offspring the magnitude in which we so voraciously supported such trends.  However, the zombie fad as of the past ten years have proven quite fruitful. Movies ranging from comedic homages, like Shaun of the Dead to hyper-realistic social commentaries of the 28 Days/28 Weeks caliber; all have added depth to the horror genre and our current zombie fad. The question is, where does Zombieland fit into all of this?

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Review: Sorority Row, "Where Women Can't Break Glass"

The good thing about Sorority Row is that it captures the B-movie charm and nostalgia of the original, The House On Sorority Row. The bad would be that it captures everything wrong with the original piled on with today's typical slasher flick nuances.

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Inglourious Basterds Is Fun If You Like Brains

"I Do Believe This Is Some Of My Best Work"-AldoThe last Quentin Tarantino film I watched was Deathproof.  A movie which had great spirit about it, but suffered from pacing issues from the onset.  Inglourious Basterds is Tarentino's first effort into the 'cult-war epic' genre.  The strangest impression I got from this movie was how much of a fan of it I was, but how I was still still sort of disappointed.

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A Perfect Getaway: Never Before Have I Seen Meth Smoked So Casually

Two Of These People Have Dialted Pupils

Let's be honest, this movie flew under the radar for a reason. You and I both know this movie is not begging for an Oscar or festival acclaim; it isn't even asking for that large of an audience.  However, acknowledging that A Perfect Getaway is not that awesome of a movie, it is still fairly enjoyable.

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District 9 Is Better Than Halo...

"Yes We Have Discovered That Your Celluar Coverage Could Be Better!"The header could be confusing to some of you who may not be in the know.  At the very least you should know that District 9 is one of the more realistic science fiction films to come out since Children of Men.  A movie made for *30 million dollars, directed by virtual unknown Neill Blomkamp, has a more realistic look than a 300 million dollar Transformer movie.  And to think, if it were not for production of a certain Halo movie falling through, we would have never gotten District 9.

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The Hurt Locker, Go See It.

Jeremy Renner As An Explosives Technician

Before reading this review, I strongly implore you watch The Hurt Locker first.  It was the way I saw it and am therefore biased in my suggestion for how you should view this film. The Hurt Locker stars Jeremy Renner who plays Staff Sergeant William James. William is accompanied by his fellow elite bomb technicians Sergeant JT Sanborn [Anthony Mackie] and the youngster, Specialist Owen Eldridge [Brian Geraghty] all provide the best performance I have seen all year.  Directed by Kathyrn Bigelow, The Hurt Locker is definitely going to be on several peoples' lists for best movie of the year, and if it is not, then it honestly would not surprise me[The Visitor says "Hi!"].

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Moon: Review

Expect No Spoilers

The critically acclaimed movie made by David Bowie's son. Isn't that what everyone is saying? It's made by Bowie Zowie [a.k.a. Ducan Jones]! What people should be saying is, "This is an awesome movie, show it in more theaters!", but alas by the time you read this review; Moon will probably on its way to your local video rental store.

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